Yesterday I sat between my daughter and a friend's daughter at our church's family Christmas eve service. There were poinsettias and angels and candles everywhere. The message was about love and life and Christmas, familiar stories told with language that moved me deeply. We sang the hymn "Star Child" in the middle of the sermon, and I was done for. I felt that wonderful, painful, upside down, happy and sad feeling that wells up in my rib cage and emerges through my tear ducts. I almost went into the "ugly cry" there for a moment.
After the service was over, the mother of a very dear friend who was seated nearby grabbed me forcefully and hugged me like only a mama can; just what I needed. She spoke warmly in my ear, "Thank you for being my daughter's friend." Of course I welled up again. I felt overwhelmed as the reality of my blessings snapped into clear focus. I felt euphoric and filled with something bigger than myself. My friend Christy smiled knowingly and asked, "Oh friend, are you verklempt?" as she hugged me.
My husband who was seated a few rows back, caught my eye and sent puzzled and concerned vibes in my direction. He caught up me with after a few of my best church girlfriends greeted me and embraced me wordlessly. "Are you okay?" every male member of my family wanted to know.
Of course I was okay. I was great! I was alive and full of life affirming emotions. Being in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar loved ones, and being awakened to the fact that ALL of it is completely sacred can get a girl choked up, you know? None of my girlfriends required an explanation. They simply said, "Oh come here, you!" and hugged me until it got weird... just kidding. (I love you and your hugs, Jennifer Lane. My friend Jennifer's hugs say, "You are special and important, and I love you" like no words can.)
"I'm sorry. I just don't understand." my husband said. This is, of course, completely okay too. He is also one of my blessings, and boys "feel" blessings in different ways sometimes. I'm pretty sure he was feeling something when he was making out with me in the kitchen this morning, much to my ten year old's horror.
After the service was over, the mother of a very dear friend who was seated nearby grabbed me forcefully and hugged me like only a mama can; just what I needed. She spoke warmly in my ear, "Thank you for being my daughter's friend." Of course I welled up again. I felt overwhelmed as the reality of my blessings snapped into clear focus. I felt euphoric and filled with something bigger than myself. My friend Christy smiled knowingly and asked, "Oh friend, are you verklempt?" as she hugged me.
My husband who was seated a few rows back, caught my eye and sent puzzled and concerned vibes in my direction. He caught up me with after a few of my best church girlfriends greeted me and embraced me wordlessly. "Are you okay?" every male member of my family wanted to know.
Of course I was okay. I was great! I was alive and full of life affirming emotions. Being in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar loved ones, and being awakened to the fact that ALL of it is completely sacred can get a girl choked up, you know? None of my girlfriends required an explanation. They simply said, "Oh come here, you!" and hugged me until it got weird... just kidding. (I love you and your hugs, Jennifer Lane. My friend Jennifer's hugs say, "You are special and important, and I love you" like no words can.)
"I'm sorry. I just don't understand." my husband said. This is, of course, completely okay too. He is also one of my blessings, and boys "feel" blessings in different ways sometimes. I'm pretty sure he was feeling something when he was making out with me in the kitchen this morning, much to my ten year old's horror.
Merry Christmas, Boys AND Girls!
God bless us, every one!
