Meredith Carson... Across the Pond and Back Again...

I have been once again whipped up into the vortex that is middle school.  The first time around I was a sixth grader myself.  I remember that I was completely panicked and self-conscious about how I looked but too tired to wake up early enough to ensure that I had brushed my hair and dressed myself in matching clothes each morning.  I was completely overwhelmed with the busyness of   my new schedule at Jamestown Middle School.    I was dumbstruck by the school lessons about atoms and molecules, communism and the Holocaust, and I was dazzled by the vast assortment of different kids whose approval I so desired. I spent the entirety of my sixth grade year simultaneously feeling both confused and excited; lost and found; idiotic and brilliant.   I experimented with fashion, with friends, with study habits, and with personal identities.   It was exhausting. Meredith, age 11 Rocking the Swatch watch, of course Finally, after many ye...

Lately I have not felt at peace.  Stress has been bubbling up in my chest.  It furrows my brow and causes a ringing in my ears.  My body has been telling me to pay attention to the fact that something is out of balance.  I have taken a leaf from Stuart Smalley's book.  Since I cannot practice hours of meaningful, deep, quiet meditation.  I settle for moments of silent affirmation.  My mind tells the rest of me, "You are patient.  You are loving.  You are blessed.  You are peaceful."  I pause and repeat such phrases silently in my head even when I do not believe them, even as chaos erupts all around me.  Sometimes before I fall asleep, I manage to affirm, "My dreams bring me clarity." And lately my dreams have been speaking to me, obediently responding to my request.  Sometimes dreams appear to be meaningless mishmashes of nonsense, but lately I have on occasion awoken from my sleep as...