Still all of this mothering has made me feel tired and introspective... not that much introspection is very possible with three children, mind you. I know that there is a season for all things. Right now I am in the midst of the serving, mothering, laundering, sleepless season, and I find myself craving silence. There will also be a season for silence, but then I will, of course, crave the noisy chaos that a house full of children brings.
Over the weekend I was attempting to catch forty winks before an evening out with my husband. I had just started to drift into that drowsy, dreamy wonderland where frogs wear tutus and angels whisper all of the secrets of the hereafter when dear, sweet Sophia stomped into my bedroom and announced (loudly), "Mom! I'm really hungry!!" It is safe to assume that I didn't hop up and make her a grilled cheese sandwich right then and there. You are correct in thinking that the girl hightailed it out of there moments later apologizing and declaring, "I will just get myself a bowl of cereal."
So there I was, awake and annoyed. Before I drifted off to sleep, I had been reading about Padre Pio of Pietrelcina who wrote (among other things), "Through the study of books, one seeks God; by meditation one finds him." And I lay there wondering, how on earth does a mother of young children ever find the time to meditate?
I remember a day several years ago when I sat in the bathroom. The bathroom had been a sacred and private place before I had children. On this particular day there was a whining toddler tugging on my trousers and a four year old standing at the door observing and commenting on the events that were taking place. "There are times when I just want to be ALONE!!" I moaned.
That darling, curly-headed four year old responded matter-of-factly, "But you can't, Mom, because we always want you." How true, and how truly wonderful, but we mothers still do crave alone time. Quiet, meditative time is nearly impossible for mothers of young children to find. We have mother's ears, which my husband refers to as my "wolf senses". Mother's ears hear everything when we are trying to unwind and relax (even if Dad is minding the whippersnappers). We also have mother's brains which are capable of imagining all sorts of ridiculous worst-case scenarios about our children as we attempt to find quiet time for prayer or contemplation.
All of that being said, motherhood is chock full of divine moments. When we are not tearing our hair out marvelling at the most recent naughty high jinks of our little darlings, there are these sublime moments that allow us to feel the presence and perfection of God. There are soft baby kisses on our cheeks in the dark as we sway with a sleepy baby in our arms. There are moments when we find ourselves having magical, meaningful conversations with a long-legged, big kid who was a toddler only yesterday. A three-year-old reminds us of life's ordinary miracles as she squats over chubby ankles to gaze in wonderment at rocks and caterpillars and such. There are also times when we get to watch in astonishment as our children's gifts are revealed. We sit with jaws dropped in awe of our little child who just wrote a beautiful poem, or kicked a winning soccer goal, or wowed an audience with a perfectly sung rendition of Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man."
It is also true that the love that I feel for my children is so powerful that it gives me a small insight into the perfect love that is God. Although I crave quiet time with a clear, unworried mind, I am not lacking in sacred moments: holding a sticky little hand or looking into a daughter's perspicacious eyes.
Don't get me wrong. Quiet time is still required, and I may be hiding in the closet at this time tomorrow just to get a little of that stuff.
"Heaven is at the feet of mothers." ~ Arabic Proverb
3 comments:
So true!!!
Lovely blog! You really have a way with words on motherhood:) Of course, you do have 3 beautiful little girls so you have plenty of experience but when I read your blog and think of my one little one, your words ring so true!
Thanks for writing this as I am in the stage you were in not too long ago with a newborn who steals all my sleep and two older children who take the majority of the hours that are left. I love being a mother and know that is what God created me for and He especially whispered directly to me that He had Joanna waiting for us. But I am exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated with the state of our house. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy the little things as I often do but can forget about!
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