Relinquishing

I am not a coward when it comes to color.  Our last kitchen was a brilliant shade of orange, which we loved, and we have recently painted our "new" kitchen the perfect shade of red.  Color is our friend...

We are not afraid of color for the record.  My husband and I have been inspired by the new hue in our kitchen, and we are eager to cover the rest of our walls in more exciting non-neutral shades.  Our eldest daughter is also anxious to change things up in her bedroom.  Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

There is one small problem.  I don't want to paint my daughter's bedroom "the color of a yellow highlighting marker" (her description).  I thought we had settled on a lovely shade of purple, after much hemming and hawing, when out of the blue, she brought up turquoise blue.  Nothing in the child's room matches turquoise blue...although it is a lovely color.  So we discussed this.  Then she suggested a color from our paint sample wheel which was called "Electric Avenue."  I will just let you use your imagination.  "You are planning to SLEEP in this room, correct?"  I asked.

This was when my beautiful, stubborn daughter started to get choked up.  She began to express her frustration.  She feels as though everything she likes causes her mom and dad to frown.  She feels as though her creativity is being stifled and that she must choose what we want in order to keep the peace.  Her mother knows that her frustration is not solely about painting her room.  She feels defeated every time her mother pushes the hair out of her face and suggests that she get it cut.  Her confidence and sense of independence is threatened each time that woman asks her to change into "something more sensible," "something that matches."  Sometimes mothers speak before thinking about the consequences of our words.  Sometimes I bite my tongue, but my face displays disapproval, and my daughter feels it.

I am very fortunate that I have a rather wise partner in parenting.  The Dad at our house rocks.  While taking a break from the intense disagreement and frustration up in my daughters room last night, my husband reminded me that it is important that our girls be allowed to try new things, that they be allowed to make mistakes and that they feel free to express themselves... especially in their own bedrooms.  He is right.  "You have to relinquish control," he told me.

Wow.  That is hard for me since I know that the way I want to do things is best.  He is right.  I need to allow my daughters to make decisions and mistakes for themselves so that they can learn to be their own people.  I need to get over the hair in the face and the mismatched clothes.  A nine year old should feel that she has control over her own body.  I need to let go.  Anyone have a paper bag I can breathe into??

So last night we all made the decision that Emma would ultimately choose the new color for her bedroom.  Mom and Dad will offer advice, but the decision will be up to her.  If she chooses a wretched color, she will have to live with the consequences.  This means she will have to "live with" the unsavory color or pay part of the cost of re-painting it.  She is happy.  My husband is happy.  I am breathing deeply and going to my happy place.  Stay tuned.