Feet on the Floor

Back at the beginning of the fall, in anticipation of my undoubtedly imminent seasonal depression, I tried out a new antidepressant drug.  The medication that I used last year was just so-so and carried with it some unwanted side effects, so I started out with a very low dose of the new drug.  By the end of the first day I felt like I was wired on caffeine.  Toward the end of the second day I had developed a pounding headache which was exacerbated by the drug induced insomnia.  Clearly this new drug was not the miracle I was hoping for.  I returned the mostly unused bottle to the pharmacy for disposal and made up my mind that we all just needed to move to Colorado where life, I  imagine, must be perfect.

Colorado was not a realistic quick fix, so I took a few deep breaths and decided not to panic.  I was not ready to let go of the deep contentment that had settled over me during the summer months.  I continually meditated on a favorite quote by Albert Camus: "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."  I was determined to make this quote true for me.

Today is December 13, 2013.  We are approaching the Winter Solstice.  Temperatures have been in the single digits all week, skies have been gray, and snow has been sporadically falling.  I am almost superstitiously hesitant to announce that I am drug-free and doing really well.  Of course I am not through the winter yet, but I am cautiously optimistic that I am on to something.

Here are the main changes I have made so far this season which seem to be yielding very positive results for me:

1.     Supplements: Daily I am taking high doses of Vitamin D and DHA Fish Oil along with a regular multivitamin.  Both of these are available over the counter in your local pharmacy.  I also regularly take Melatonin in the evening before bed.  Fewer hours of daylight mean that I often don't feel tired at the of the day.  The melatonin (a naturally occurring hormone produced in our bodies which helps to control sleep cycles) allows me to feel drowsy and get to sleep so that I can wake up dark and early feeling somewhat rested.

2.     Feet on the Floor: I wake up at about the same time every morning, and I put my feet on the floor.  I usually wake up at about 6:30 am so that I can see my eleven-year-old before she heads off to the snake pit called middle school.  It is dark as pitch at 6:30 am during the non-summer months up here in Michigan, but I do it every week day.  Since it is so dark, and the roads are often slippery, and I am a slightly over-protective mother with a completely overactive imagination, I also walk my kid down the street to the bus stop every morning.  I bundle up and tromp through the ice and snow with her.  I make pleasant conversation and harass her about the fact that she really should be wearing a heavy coat when it’s 4 degrees outside.  When the bus comes, I wave to the bus driver and walk back home with Jack Frost nipping at my nose.

3.     I do not go back to bed.  This is a rule that I have made for myself, and it has made such a huge difference.  My mother always said that when you crawl back in bed in the morning, you force yourself to complete the worst part of your day (dragging your sorry behind out of bed) twice.  That finally makes sense to me.  I think it would be difficult to get settled back into bed after my arctic jaunt to the bus stop and back anyway, but I have simply decided that that is not allowed (unless I have the flu or something, which could totally happen since I have not achieved superhero status yet).  Staying on my feet ensures that I will not hate myself later in the day for having not accomplished the things on my “to do” list.  (Now don’t go and get all philosophical on me.  I know that my worth as a person is not tied to what I accomplish, but when winter depression has me in its grip, my self-esteem plummets even lower on days when I have been inactive and unproductive.)

4.     Light therapy:  I continue to use the new light box that I purchased last year.  I try to use it as soon after I awake as possible.  This means that it is usually still dark outside when I’m using mine.  I have my lamp mounted above the computer so I can sit and browse stupid websites or poke around on i-tunes or write lesson plans (see #5) while getting my daily dose of light therapy pretty effortlessly.

5.     I got a job!  In addition to what I consider my primary job: being a loving mama and home manager, I said “yes” to a part time job opportunity at my church working with elementary aged kids and music (two of my most favorite things).  This gives me a sense of purpose (even more of a sense of purpose than I had doing everyone’s laundry and dishes- go figure!).  It is also a weekly challenge and opportunity to flex my creative muscles.  Being creative makes me happy!  Getting paid to be creative makes me feel honored and appreciated.  Whoo-hoo!

 

6.   I exercise!  Self explanatory?  I have found group exercise classes that I really enjoy, and I attend Zumba and Barre classes about three times a week.  There is fun music and a party atmosphere in Zumba, and the Barre classes make me feel stronger, leaner, and more flexible.  Studies have consistently shown that regular exercise can be as effective as prescription strength anti-depressants for individuals who suffer with mild to moderate cases of depression.  I am making exercise a priority this year.

7.    I read books.  I have read several books about seasonal depression that have been helpful to me.  Understanding that I am not alone and that I am not crazy has made a real difference.  Two books that I would wholeheartedly recommend are: Winter Blues: Everything You Need to Know to Beat Seasonal Affective Disorder by Norman E. Rosenthal, MD and Spontaneous Happiness: A New Path to Emotional Well-Being by Andrew Weil, MD.  Both of these offer real tangible advice about digging yourself out of a bad winter funk.                                                                     

If you are suffering from seasonal depression or any other kind of depression or mental illness, prescription medications may be necessary for you. I consider myself very lucky in that I have the summer time to remember and reestablish what my "happy normal" feels like. Once you have descended into the pit of depression, you may not even realize just how low you are. You may not even remember what a "happy normal" day feels like. When lethargy and hopelessness become the norm, drugs may be needed to help you hoist yourself up to the next level.  I am not dismissing the benefit of drugs for some, but I am so happy to not be using them myself right now.  Now I know that if I have a weird day, it's me and not a drug side effect.  I also feel more empowered and responsible, and that is really working for me at this time.

I hope to report in February and March that all is still well.  Not all of my days are great.  Of course they are not, but I am feeling on top of things at the moment.  Getting back into the routine after the Christmas holidays always presents a colossal challenge for me.  When the crazy Carsons come to visit, their late night, low brow, raucous behavior throws my fragile circadian rhythms for a loop, but my determination is strong. FEET ON THE FLOOR!

Stay happy, my friends.  And if you're not happy, be honest, and do not be afraid to ask for help.

Love,
Meredith