The Journal

I have this daughter who challenges me on a daily basis.  She sometimes shows me things about myself that I do not like.  She stretches me and makes me grow as a person.  She also makes me mad, makes me laugh, and makes me think.  Wasn't life easier when she just needed some milk and a nap?  I do love that girl, but we have our struggles.  Sometimes I am not perfect.  Sometimes I do not say the right words.  Should I simply overlook it when she wants to leave my house for school with a ponytail sprouting from her forehead like a unicorn horn while wearing her Dad's Panama Jack tank top from 1989 over a pair of tight sweatpants and snowboots?  Often I long for a rewind button; I know that some of our exchanges could  be infused with a little more motherly love and understanding, but truly she cannot leave the house like that, right?  Enter the journal...

The journal was Miss Smarty-Face's idea, and when she suggested it, I was immediately on board!  As you can see, she chose a design that fits her personality to a T: multi-colored skulls and cross bones and hearts.  That's my girl.  Emma thought it would be cool if we had a journal through which we could send letters back and forth to each other.  Isn't she clever?  Often we write about trite silliness.  We write about what we like for breakfast or why we're looking forward to the weekend.  Sometimes we get a little more serious though.  In her journal Emma is allowed and encouraged to write things like, "It really hurt my feelings when..." or "When you were my age did you sometimes..."

And I get to write back... after everyone is in bed, and the house is quiet, and I am not feeling stressed about getting her (sensibly dressed) out the door to tuba lessons.  I get to read and "listen" to how she's feeling and respond to her "wonderings".  Sometimes it's hard to feel special when you are one of three girls.  It's easy to feel like mom doesn't have enough time when you need her or that she expects you to just look after yourself since you are nearly nine years old and all... But our journal is one very special thing that is only for me and Emma, and I am so proud of the fact that she was the one who prescribed it as good medication for our sometimes rocky relationship.  Our journal is a great way of making sure nothing important is left unsaid.  It gives us a chance to say sweet things to each other, and it gives Emma a chance to ask questions or tell me things that are easier said on paper than aloud.

Of course we still talk, and talk, and talk, but the journal allows us to communicate on a different level AND lets Emma know that even though she is one of three, she is one of a kind and so special to me.

"What the daughter does, the mother did."  ~Jewish Proverb