Channeling My Inner Cave Mama

I hear stories about easy babies. Apparently there are babies in the world who are always content and sleepy. These babies seem to always belong to a friend of a friend, or they exist only in the pages of books. I think these babies might be urban legends, but you probably know one or have one. Good for you.

I am not complaining about the amount of care my babies (have) require(d). Babies only last a year, really, and I do try to enjoy every bit of that time. My babies are "busy," "nosy," and "mumsy," and I am fine with that. Past experience has shown that these babies grow into very clever and unique little people who have compassion and a great curiosity about the world.

I am complaining, however, about the unsolicited advice that I get from yummy mummies who wholeheartedly believe that a baby who calms down when she's picked up and comforted is a "spoiled" baby. Seriously. I am angry that this concept has been written about exhaustively in parenting books. I am disgusted that, in this day and age, we leave our babies to "cry it out" when they are upset at night and put them on rigid schedules during the day. "Sorry, my little darling. I know you're hungry, but it's not time to eat for another 20 minutes!" I am mournful over the fact that all of these baby instruction manuals have discouraged new mothers from just following their instincts and responding to their babies' cues.

My baby is not spoiled. I pick her up and comfort her nearly every time she cries. I hardly put her down at all for the first eight weeks of her life. (For a few of those weeks, it simply hurt me too much to pick her up, so she was just never out of my arms.) She prefers my company to being alone in a cot. She would rather be strapped to my chest than in a stroller. This is what she needs at the moment, and it will change all too soon. She is curious and busy and thrives on lots of interaction with other humans. She is not spoiled. She is not attempting to manipulate anyone when she cries. (That will come in her second year of life.)

New mothers are supposed to be tired. Having a baby is life-changing and exhausting. Feeling tired is normal and not an indication that one has somehow spoiled her baby. I am having a bit of a rant, but I am so sad that in our modern times, we have been taught to ignore our basic "Mommy Instincts." A baby who calms down when she is picked up by her mama is not "spoiled," she is securely attached. (And yes, I am typing with one hand and holding Lili with the other right now.)

Having a new baby always sends me back in my mind to prehistoric times. In the early weeks with a new baby, I often find myself thinking, through the haze of fatigue, "What would I do if I were a cavewoman?" If I were a cavewoman, I would feed my cave-baby when she was hungry. I wouldn't leave her alone in the cave to cry all night. I would keep her close to ensure that she was safe and content. I also wouldn't sterilize everything within an inch of its life, but that is another story.

Obviously, I am not a cavewoman. (I'm pretty sure they didn't have blogs to make themselves feel so important.) I am not suggesting we should all parent the way women did thousands of years ago. I am a huge fan of modern conveniences like battery operated baby swings and breast pumps. I do wish, however, that we could encourage new mothers to hit the pause button on all of this modern, nonsensical parenting advice and encourage them to channel their inner "Cave Mamas" just for a little while.

In fact the next time I meet one of those perfect mummies who only had "good" babies, I think I may summon a great Paleolithic yawp of disgust. Follow your instincts, new mommies. Babies need to be loved. As Penelope Leach is quoted, "The fear of spoiling a baby is a tragic one."

And now I'm off to bounce a cuddle my spoiled rotten baby.