The Secret

I feel quite stupid posting this today, but I have come to a very profound conclusion in the last couple of weeks. I feel stupid because the conclusion is not really profound at all, and it has taken me years of marriage to wrap my brain around it. I always thought I was a pretty clever girl, but this one has taken me a while. I have discovered the secret to a happy marriage.

Don't get me wrong; the last eight years have been mostly very happy ones. My husband and I enjoy each others company. We appreciate the other's sense of humour. He "gets" me, and I "get" him. But I have secretly been driving him crazy for years. You see, George is rather tidy, and I am a bit more free spirited. I fail to notice that my nightgown has been hanging on the bedpost for three weeks or that I have left the drawer in the kitchen open again. When I look into the room, my eyes don't even focus on the cereal box on the table or the book that I was reading left lying on the floor. This drives my husband crazy. He comes home from a long day at work, sees the cereal box and the not-yet-sorted shopping bags on the counter (which were left there because I was distracted when the phone rang and then ultimately forgot they even existed). He is bothered by these things the same way that I am bothered when I read gross misspellings and poor grammar. He is bothered by these things the same way I am bothered by headlice or moldy bread. It's that bad. And I am only just "getting" this.

I am not inspired to keep a super tidy house because it doesn't bother me. I will not have grungy countertops or nasty sinks, but clutter goes completely unnoticed by my eyes. What I have recently figured out is that if I maintain more order at home, it makes my husband happy. If I look at a pile of clean laundry that needs putting away, I now think of it as an opportunity to make my husband happy, and I do so love it when my husband is happy. I have often heard it said that "when Mama's happy, everybody's happy," but this also applies very much to Dad.

So...the secret to a happy marriage? Find out what your partner wants, and give it to them. It has taken me eight years to determine that making the bed and putting away the dishes would bring glee to my partner. And for me, regarding that unmade bed as an opportunity to show my husband that I care about him, makes me feel much more inspired to complete the task.

So...that is what's working this week. We'll see if I carry on feeling so service-oriented as I become more and more pregnant, but for now, I feel enlightened and George feels loved. Who knew that those Five Love Languages were for real??