Mama Carson's Sex Ed Tips...

You asked for it, Shay...
First of all, let me begin by saying that I am, by no means an expert on sex or sexual education, but I think I am off to a pretty decent start with my lot.  So here are a few of my tips listed for you handily in bulleted form (as requested).

• Forget about "the talk."  Children should have innumerable talks with their parents about sex starting as soon as they are old enough to have questions.  If you wait until little Johnny is thirteen to have "the talk," you will be far too late and far too embarrassed to effectively communicate.  Talking about sex will feel completely normal and natural if it is commonplace in your house from day one.  I have told my daughter Emma, "If you have questions, don't worry about saying something rude.  You're not going to say anything I haven't heard before.  Also, if you hear something from other kids that confuses you, please come and ask me or Dad.  We can surely give you more accurate information than an eight-year-old at school."  Emma agrees that this all sounds perfectly sensible.
• Teach kids the proper names for their body parts.  I think it's also okay to use cute nickames, but kids should know about their bodies including: head, shoulders, testicles and toes.  When Emma was two she knew that she had a 'gina and that her Dad had a 'peanut.' Close enough.
• Answer their questions (in an age-appropriate fashion), and stop when they are satisfied.  When a three year old asks where babies come from, you needn't go into the hot and heavy details of sex on the beach after too many margaritas (not that you would.)  Most three year olds are happy to hear, "You grew inside Mommy's tummy, and then you were born on your birthday."  Some will ask, "How did I get out?"  So answer the doggone question lest you have a ten year old who thinks he burst out of his mother's belly button while she was sunbathing one afternoon. Some (like my daughter Emma at age 3) will continue to push, "But how did I get IN there??" So...answer the question.  I told Emma about the very basic mechanics of intercourse, and then she happily chirped, "Oh, okay" and skipped back to her Barbies.  No big whoop, apparently.
• When kids are older, don't act shocked or squeamish when they ask you about serious, advanced-level junk that would make your granny's toes curl.  If you freak out, little Sally won't come and ask you next time.  Wouldn't you rather be the one explaining it instead of that 8th grade boy in the black leather jacket on the backseat of the school bus.  If kids are comfortable asking you, you are able to insert your family's moral values into the explanation.  My 8 year old daughter Emma already knows a) what sex is and b) that she is waiting until she is at least 25 and married to a fabulous person whom she deeply loves to have it.  That's the plan we are all happy with right now, at least.
• Give them accurate information.  If you don't, then really what is the point?  I dread the day that one of my little darlings comes home and asks me what a &%*# job is, but when they do, I will do my best to explain it without turning beet red.  If I am asked, it also means I get to explain that, despite what Bill Clinton may have said, this activity IS a kind of "sexual relations" and shouldn't be done casually.  Fortunately we are not there yet.
• Monitor what kids are viewing on TV and at the movies.  Your 10 year old daughter should NOT be going to see the new Sex and the City movie with you... no matter how mature you think she is.  My husband will attest to the fact that I get extremely annoyed when I see parents dragging little kids out to adult-themed movies at the cinema.  Let kids be kids.  If you don't have a babysitter or a granny to look after Junior, you should be going to see Toy Story rather than I Know Who You Did Last Summer.  Come on!  Isn't this common sense?  That movie is rated PG-13 for a reason.  A 10-year-old should be protected from having to mentally process all of that stuff... in my humble opinion.
• Be comfortable with your own body.  (Yes, this is totally easier said than done.)  For us, it comes pretty easily.  I grew up in a house with just my mom, so nakedness was no big deal.  I still tend to trot around the house half dressed pretty regularly (much to my neighbor's horror, I imagine).   All of my girls still shower with their Dad and think nothing of it.  You don't have to be a happy hippy, but try not to model embarrassment for your children.  All of this free-spiritedness at my house means I got to walk in on a discussion about dudes' body parts between Sophie and her Dad last week.  She later explained to me, "Some people call them balls, but Dad says that is a grown-up word.  I should call them tentacles."
• Finally, nurture little girls and their feelings about their girly parts.  This is obviously a big one at our house.  There is a LOT of negativity out there in the world about women's bodies.  Little girls should be taught how to care for and about their bodies.  I think the parents of girls need to actively combat some of the nasty notions and misconceptions that are "out there."  Never refer to a little girl's genitalia as the stuff that is "down there" as though it were something too horrible to speak of.  You needn't refer to her va-jay-jay as a beautiful flower or cover her bedroom walls with Georgia O'Keefe prints, but little girls need be taught at home that their bodies are fantastic, amazing, and capable of miraculous things.  Banish any ideas about girls being dirty or smelly "down there" PLEASE!  I hope I haven't alienated any of you mommies of little boys.  I don't have any little boys of my own, but from what I can gather, most little boys (and big boys) don't need much help loving their penises.  Enough said.

Enough with the bullets, here comes a charming anecdote.  When Emma and I had our fabulous late night chat on Saturday, the topic of sex came up when Emma asked about my birth control pills which are on my nightstand.  "What are those for?" she asked.  I told her what they were and the conversation continued sounding something like this:

Emma: But Mom, you know how a baby gets made.

Me: Yes, I believe I do.

Emma: So just don't do that.  Then you don't need to take those pills.

Me: Sometimes moms and dads do have sex even when they aren't trying to make a baby.

Emma: (absolutely confounded) WHY?

Me: Well, Emma, it's really nice when you're married and in love.  It makes two people feel very close and lovely toward each other.

Emma:  (after a brief thoughtful period) Does Dad think it's nice too?

Me:  Yes, Dad thinks it's really nice.

Emma: Hmmm, interesting.

The conversation continued for quite a while, and when it winded down and we naturally drifted on to a different topic, I felt so pleased that we had had this talk with a minimum of awkward moments.  At one point Emma clammed up and didn't want to ask what the word "sex" meant because she thought it was rude.  I pounced on this teachable moment with glee, and cleared up her misconceptions.  As I drifted off to sleep that night I felt so satisfied about the fact that I am raising a daughter who, at this point, feels free to talk to me about practically everything.  Yay.