Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name.
And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your name.
Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your glorious name...
I have often sung along with these lyrics in church but wondered if I really meant it. Would I really still be able to "praise" God in the really bad times? As a young woman, I spent a good bit of time feeling quite angry with God about my situation. Looking back on it now, I realize that my situation then was all to do with my own attitude. These days I appreciate how truly fortunate I am when so many others in the world are struggling and suffering, but it is easy to be grateful when the fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high.
Recently God/ life handed me the opportunity to test myself. I won't compare my suffering to the suffering of others. My life was never in danger. I had access to superb medical care. My baby is strong and healthy. I am supremely grateful for all of these things, but I did face some challenges, and I did endure a good bit of pain, more than I have ever experienced before. I am pleased and relieved to say that I have come through the other side blessing God's name all the more. And trudging through the dark days allowing myself to feel God's love rather than feeling angry with God made a huge difference.
I have even reached the point at which I can say that I am grateful for the experience and the challenge because I have gained so much more than I have lost.
In the last two months, I have had two surgeries which were both classed as "emergencies." (This makes it all sound very dramatic, doesn't it?) Throughout my recovery I have been on the receiving end of so much love and care. I have never been so helpless, but being in this state forced me to allow others to nurture and care for me, and this was a gift. I now have a full supply of empathy for anyone else who undergoes any kind of surgery.
I have also gained a sense of awe and empowerment as I have felt my body heal. How amazing it is that I have regrown all of this new, healthy tissue where there was once a hole 3-4 centimetres deep! As one of my former 4th grade students would say, "When God made me, He didn't make no junk!" I am amazing! I have also experienced the effects of a healthy diet and good self-care. I am really looking forward to seeing the discouraging surgeon back in the hospital tomorrow. He is the one who told me that the wound would take months to heal if I carried on breastfeeding. Well... here we are four weeks later... Lili has had nothing but my breast milk, and as of today, my wound is no longer deep enough to require packing with Kaltostat! I plan to be more than a little smug when we meet again tomorrow.
And finally, now that I am feeling better, I truly appreciate feeling well, and I have a renewed desire to make the most of life. So, yes, Thanksgiving is a big deal for me this year. I am grateful for ALL of the good things I have going for me, and I am thankful for the challenges that life has thrown my way as well.
"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant; to enact gratitude is generous and noble; but to live gratitude is to touch heaven." -- Johannes Gaertner
2 comments:
Well said! And Praise God that prayers have been heard for your speedy recovery. So encouraging!
Very insightful and an inspiring way to look at life's challenges. I've often found that it's in the tough times that we remember God the most and truly understand how much we need/want him in our lives. If it takes going through a "negative" event to connect closer to him, then it's a positive in my book (and His!). Truly glad you are doing better and yes, you are amazing. I didn't need this blog to tell me that. I already knew it. :)
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